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A
Hat Full of Pirate Bees
by Afro Thunder
Arrrrr... them's the prettiest
pirates what ever did sail the Seven Seas, says I. Jus' look at
them pretty faces.
Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest.
“…Yo Ho and a
Bottle of Rum,” me lads. Arg, it be a good movie that come
out this summer. They call it Pirates of the Caribbean. Pirates,
sea demons, Kraken, dead pirates with octopuses for faces, pictures
of keys, voodoo witch doctors, swamps, undead monkeys, island rituals,
cannibalistic natives, cannon fights, sword fights, drunken fights,
screaming fights, fights on wheels, fights on boats, fights in the
sand, fights in a bar, and giant thumb necklaces. Now, this list
of items may not exactly blend well, yet the creators of Pirates
of the Caribbean somehow tied everything together while maintaining
a fantastic story.
The first Pirates of the Caribbean was a smash hit. Anyone with
good taste loved it, and watched it many times over. Now anyone
with good taste also didn’t watch it to the point of obsession,
because then you’d miss the chance to watch all the other
stuff that’s out there. The first Pirates was not as…exotic
as the second, but it had just as good a plot, and the same incredible
actors. Johnny Depp is so weird but that’s what makes him
such a great and enjoyable character. Looking back now I now wish
I had watched the Pirates more, but hey, I had to watch other stuff
too. Oh well, this is a review about the second Pirates though,
so, on with the show. For some reason some of my friends felt that
Dead Man’s Chest was just as good as the first. And an even
smaller number of them said it wasn’t as good. These comments
I felt were very idiotic and just showed me how naïve they
were to a good story.
A good story doesn’t have to have fancy words, or lots of
allusions to today’s culture. It doesn’t even have to
make sense half the time as long as you can still follow the story.
No, a good story should create an elaborate web of events where
the connections are not completely visible, but might be able to
be drawn together by a clever man in the beginning. Never the less,
the story should go on, slowly connecting the dots and showing how
fate has truly woven everything together. Then when you, the average
viewer, get to the center of the climax, where for the first time
you can truly see everything, as if you have trekked many miles
to find the greatest of all treasures on top of the tallest mountain,
and as you look down from the peak you see the places you’ve
traveled and the paths you took to reach your objective. As this
moment of peace and clarity begins to fade out, a true writer flips
the mountain from under you, revealing that you walked backwards
the entire time, with a hat full of bees that clouded your vision
from the truth, while stinging you on the head, but since you have
been blinded and stung for so long it just seemed natural to have
a blur of yellow and black, and this strange itch on top of your
head that you can’t touch because you have to get to the top.
As the mountain flips you realize that you were walking down hill,
or from the wrong direction, or that you had even been walking upside
down. A truly terrific writer twists and flips the web to where
you have to take a double take or step back and say, “WOAH!
That just happened and that was weird.”
A good story unfortunately, confuses most people of this generation.
People of this generation get so caught up with the action, that
when it abruptly stops and they have to think for a second, they
get angry. For some strange reason, youth these days have a problem
with intricate stories.
WARNING!!! THE NEXT PART CONTAINS SPOILIERS; SO IF YOU HAVEN’T
WATCHED THE MOVIE YET, GO NOW, BEFORE YOU READ THIS NEXT PART!
Youth these days have a problem with endings like those of Pirates
of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. People have a problem
with seeing a dead pirate come back, the main character swallowed,
and the heart of Davy Jones, which has the power to control the
devil himself, given over to the corrupt government. For some reason
people get angry when the ending is a cliffhanger, when you are
forced to watch the next movie because you can’t wait for
what happens next. People don’t appreciate complexity; they
just want their explosive gunfights, big tits, car crashes, and
badass-ery. Now, I myself enjoy the above as much as anyone else,
in fact, I prefer if they’re in a movie, but I like them to
be woven into a story that’s very involved and involves thinking.
I am of course, talking about men for the most part, but women want
their mellow drama, their crying scenes, and their cute little guys
to overcome whatever obstacle was in their way to get to the average
woman, or vice-versa. And as much as I love drama and to cry at
the end of a movie, I again, prefer for it to come in little bite
size pieces.
I’ve gotten off track, as I’m prone to do, and for a
moment have forgotten what this article is about. I must honestly
say though, that Pirates has a great story, terrific actors that
play verily creative characters that have to overcome obstacles
larger than life. Cheating the devil, controlling the sea, sneaking
on board a ship of demons, escaping a ship of demons, fighting the
kraken, escaping an island full of cannibalistic natives, using
your bindings as a pole-vault and fighting on a spinning wheel.
It’s hard to believe that a small band of miscreants can do
all this and still live…for the most part. Anyways, if you
haven’t seen the movie, and ignored my warning, than go see
it anyways, because just like the 1812 Overture, Woodstock, seeing
a mountain, surfing a wave, or even kicking someone’s ass,
if you don’t experience it live, and in person, than you’ll
never truly know the full depth and enjoyment of such an event.
I give Pirate’s of the Caribbean 5 out of 5.
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