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Ask a Ninja Know-it-all by Mike-oh

The Ninja looks puzzled when asked where hairy, fat, white guys go to become ninjas, apparently having trouble recalling his own personal experience.

Ask a Ninja. This is sheer genius. I really mean it. Getting to dress up like a ninja and answer people's questions (usually about being a ninja) is such a blast, I wish I would have thought of it myself. Imagine having an excuse to get into the character of a ninja everyday. Or at least once a week. It's too funny. And even though it wasn't my idea, and I'm not the one getting to dress up all in black to pontificate on the myriad of methods I might employ to kill the unsuspecting, I am so glad that Kent Nichols and Douglas Sarine, a couple of Los Angeles comedians, did.

Ask a Ninja, in case you haven't heard, is a video podcast or vlog, as the latest term has been coined, that features a Ninja answering viewer email. People write to askaninja@gmail.com and pose their questions. Here's a few examples of ninja-directed queries: "What is an ideal gift for a Ninja?" "Can Ninjas catch colds?" "Does my friend Paul make bad decisions?" and "What's up with the movie, The Perfect Storm?" The Ninja fields these absurd questions and then answers them on video that can be viewed at askaninja.com. Each answer is a long, 2 to 3 minute rant by the Ninja usually ending with the Ninja promising that he looks forward to killing you soon. In between the ridiculous question and the empty threat is genuine hilarity. For example, what is the ideal gift for a ninja? "Giving a ninja something black is like giving crazy to Angelina Jolie . . . we already have plenty." And marvelous insights like the fact that ninjas can catch colds but the difficult part is snapping their little necks.

I don't know which one of these guys is behind the mask (I suspect Kent) but the performance is as funny as the questions and the answers. Rapid hand gestures that come straight from bad kung fu movies are made even funnier with erratic camera movement. Taken altogether, these guys have produced a formula for never ending funny. My favorite episode is when Bryan asks, "My friend Paul thinks samurais are better than ninjas. Does Paul make bad decisions." Ninja responds with, "Paul? That guy makes terrible decisions." And then he proceeds to share pictures of Paul taking a bath with a plugged in boom box and a plugged in toaster, driving recklessly in his truck, selling his soul to an alien for a green balloon, and helping a chick named "Shaky" practice her knife throwing.

Check it out for yourslef. You'll find out why ninjas hate Clooney, what ninjas eat, how to become a master of disguise, and how to hire a ninja. These are important answers to questions that have been plaguing society for centuries. Ask a Ninja is a true public servant. Enjoy.

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ABOUT OUR WRITERS

Disgruntled Dan
Old Danny Boy is not happy. Not happy at all. The state of comics, movies and video games is falling way short of his expectations. Check out Disgruntled Dan's
Letters of Discontent here — new letters every month.

Afro Thunder
A man with crazy Kung-Fu abilities and even crazier hair. But please, don't confuse yourself into thinking he's Jewish, or Arabian, or anything other than a curly-haired, half white, half mexican ninja. He also gives the whole low-down on games and movies, but avoids reviewing comics (he's loves 'em, but can't tell you what he thinks of 'em).

Mike-oh
Mike-oh works for an advertising agency which explains his need for all of the escapism he uses to soak up his spare time. At least he spends some of that time sharing his thoughts with us on his various distractions.